I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
