very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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