i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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