I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's the barista slut.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
