So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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