Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
