Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I fill condoms, not promises.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
