Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
