plz talk dirty to me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
