no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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