I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
