suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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