she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
