Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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