the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
