Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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