If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
