peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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