this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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