the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
