the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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