He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
