When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize