Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
