We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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