And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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