My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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