so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
