I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
