help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
