A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
