somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
