It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
