I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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