quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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