WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
