I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
