I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
