That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This baby is an asshole
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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