I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So I just went to clothing optional bar
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize