Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
