so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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