Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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