My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
