You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
