; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He kissed a someone with a penis
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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