I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
