dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
