He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
