If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
