so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize