I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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