Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
