my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
