Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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