Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
