____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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