why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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