I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My nipple is on Facebook.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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