and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
