yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
