Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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